Too Late to Apologize?

I had a revelation today.  And dear lord, please don't think it was inspired at all by Bieber's movie "Never Say Never".  The fact that I now know who this kid is, and the fact that he's made a movie with such a title, is evidence enough that I've been watching too much TV lately.  That disclaimer out of the way, I really should never say never again.  You know what happens when I say it?  Scary enough "never" actually happens to me!!  Just a few examples:  I said multiple times throughout my early adulthood "I'm never moving back in with my parents!"  and Life says WRONG!  "I'm never going to have kids!"  GUESS AGAIN!  "I'll never move to Alaska!"  MWAHAHA (evil laugh)!!  Whenever I think of the most appalling, ridiculous, undesirable thing that I would not want in my life, ooooooooh yes...it comes into my reality.  I have plenty other instances of these things happening...so you would think I would have learned the lesson by now! 

Me, learning my lesson?

On a more serious note, my revelation today was this: when I make these outrageous claims, I inevitably end up offending people who actually enjoy and love the things I am rebelling against.  I love my parents, and as difficult as it is to gain independence and have to move back in with them, it's not the end of the world.  It's always been a blessing to have a home where I can return.  Not everyone is given that blessing.  And I wouldn't have been able to survive many, many life situations without moving back in with my parents (several times!!).  Just like my idea of having children drastically changed the minute I found out I was going to be a mother!  I thought I'd be losing my self identity, that I'd constantly be plagued by another person's wants and needs 24/7 and my life would be over.  Obviously, for anyone who knows me, or has read this blog, my tune has changed and Ava is the love of my life. 

After our first week getting to know eachother

As for moving to Alaska, it's been a strange period in my life, but a necessary one.  I've done some Alaska-bashing that wasn't really directed towards anyone or anything, but just spurred on by my own uncontentedness.  I could blame it on the 24-hour daylight, or 24-hour darkness.  Or the snow that started in October and the -40 temperatures.  These weren't my real reasons for unhappiness when I first came here.  Yet I now can see that many good things have come from moving here, and I've slowly grown to love some incredible people here.  Finding new people to love (and who love me and Ava) will always be at the top of my favorite things in life!  There are friends I made here who I will never forget, and if I never came to Alaska, they'd be lost to me in the universe.  How sad to think of that possiblity!

Ava was even more sad when I made her wear these bunny ears!

So, should we forget about One Republic's beautiful song that says "It's too late to apologiiiiiiiize"?  Now that I really think about it, it's honestly never too late to apologize.  Even if the other party has long forgotten the issue, isn't an apology really for both people?  So...I'm looking these "nevers" right in the eye and I'm saying I'm really sorry.  I've been close-minded and felt too sure of all the things that I didn't want in my life, that I've almost missed out on the things I really needed in my life.  I'm sorry that I tend to think I know what's best for myself, as my confidence and independent nature swell up.  The truth is I'm really just a girl trying to figure stuff out.  And all I can do is try to never say never again...